The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai by Earl Mac Rauch

Author:Earl Mac Rauch [Rauch, Earl Mac]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
ISBN: 0743442482
Publisher: Pocket Books

18

We had not yet begun to worry unduly about Buckaroo Banzai. His locator put him on the road to Grover’s Mills, and at last report he was still following the Yoyodyne van, presumably at a sensible distance. Were life to mirror our intentions, however, it would be nowhere near as entertaining. B. Banzai may or may not have realized from the curious “phone call” that he had an appointment with destiny, but I am certain he could not see the serpentine road by which he would arrive; else he would have taken greater precautions. But how can one anticipate the behavior of extraterrestrials, friend or foe? They were the great unknown factor, the jokers in the deck, which in turn meant a new set of rules.

We have but conjecture to rely upon as to why the Yoyodyne van suddenly veered sharply into the ditch by the side of the road and reversed its course, nearly running down B. Banzai in the process. The most probable explanation is that the three Lectroids inside received a radio message from home base, informing them of the downed thermopod. Essentially a life craft dispatched by the Nova Police father ship to find Buckaroo Banzai, it was shot down by those now-famous duck hunters whose posthumous pictures have appeared in so much of the media.

The details of the incident are well-known but merit repeating for the record: Two duck hunters on a weekend outing north of Grover’s Mills fire into what they think is a phalanx of mallards. The mallards turn out to be electronic camouflage for a bizarre UFO approximately the shape and outer texture of a tangerine. (How this electronic camouflage is done by both the Nova Police and the Lectroids themselves I will come to later.) The UFO crashes into the upper branches of a tree; the terrified duck hunters observe what seems to be a dread-locked Jamaican emerge from the craft in a silver Nova Police spacesuit; the “Jamaican” loses his footing and crashes to the ground—upon his death turning into a hideous thing from another world, that species which on Planet 10 is called an “Adder,” a sleeker, less brawny sort of creature than the Lectroid and of a darker color, thus giving rise to the racial epithets heaped upon them by Whorfin and his followers.

By this time one can imagine the panic of the duck hunters, gazing in disbelief at the dead Adder on the ground, when a second “Jamaican” manages to scramble down the tree and with a graceful gait makes a run for it, carrying some kind of package under his arm. Despite being pursued by the duck hunters’ spaniel, he reaches safety, delivers his “present” to us, and thereby becomes a linchpin in our story. In person, full-limbed and wonderful-looking in human camouflage, he is the redoubtable John Parker, whose indispensable help in saving our world has earned him the undying gratitude of peoples and nations everywhere.

Upon seeing John Parker come out of the craft, the duck hunters hasten their retreat to the CB radio in their car.

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